Parents | Encouraging Your Teen to Talk to You

10 ways to encourage young people to talk with you about drugs

1. Be part of their lives
   Spending time together as a family is important. Make some time available for your children. Take an interest in their interests and establish a routine for doing some things together. Don't be afraid to ask where your teenagers are going and who they will be with. Even something as simple as eating the evening meal together and talking, without TV, several times a week is amazingly beneficial.
2. Listen to them
   Showing a willingness to listen will help your children feel more comfortable about listening to you. Ask for their input about family decisions to demonstrate that you value their opinions. Try not to interrupt or react in a way that will stop further discussion.
3. Be a role model
   When it comes to illegal drugs, there is no such thing as "do as I say, not as I do". If you take illegal drugs, you can't expect your child to take your advice. Do not underestimate the influence your behaviour has on your children, particularly any use of tobacco or misuse of alcohol and medications.
4. Be honest
   It is important to be informed but don't pretend to know everything. Say, "I don't know, but will go on the WellTrust site and attempt to find out". But do be honest and clear about where you stand so that your children will find it easier to be honest with you.
5. Pick your moment
   Choose the right time to discuss the topic by looking for natural opportunities as they arise. They might be watching TV, when talking about someone at school or in response to something that was similarly difficult to talk about.
6. Be calm
   Being calm and rational is also important and don't over react. You should keep the lines of communication open and don't ridicule or lecture. Getting angry usually shuts the door to further discussion.
7. Avoid conflict
   It is difficult to solve a problem when there is conflict. Try to see their point of view and encourage them to understand yours. If a confrontation develops, stop the conversation and return to it when you are both calmer.
8. Keep on talking
   One you've had a discussion, it is important to have another. Ensure that you are always willing to speak to your children about drugs and start early.
9. Set clear boundaries
   Most young people expect and appreciate some ground rules. Allowing them to take part in setting the rules encourages them to take more responsibility for sticking to them. Once you have rules, enforce them and ensure young people know of the consequences of breaking them. Find and agree to ways young people can act should they find themselves in a situation that exposes them to drugs. For example, let them know that you will always collect them if they need you to, even if it is 3.00 am. However, make it absolutely clear that you would rather they didn't put themselves in a situation where they are likely to be exposed to illegal drugs.
10. Focus on the positive
    Reward your children's good behaviour and emphasise those things they do well. Encourage them to feel good about themselves and let them know that they deserve respect.

The reasons teenagers give for taking illegal drugs, and what you can say.

• Someone had some and I just thought I would try it
  Express your concern and ask if they think it was a wise decision? Ask if it was what they expected and talk abut the risks of further use. Try to find out if they felt pressured, this may lead to better ways for them to handle a similar situation in the future.
• I always wanted to try the stuff
  Ask what made that particular drug appealing, and what they expected to get from it. Discuss whether they have tried other drugs. Say that you are concerned about their behaviour and try to establish some wise ground rules.
• All my friends were doing it so I thought, why not?
  Make your feelings about drug use clear and explain why you don't want them to get involved. Ask if they felt it was safe because their friends were using it. Ask why they thought their friends used it and whether they were aware of the risks. Discuss the dangers of experimenting with drugs. It may be useful to talk about the importance of being able to make their own responsible decisions instead of following others.
• It made me feel really good
  Explore the main reason the young person took the drug. Find out how they have been feeling. This is a good time to offer help and to see if there is anything you can do for them or if they want to talk about another issue. Talk about less risky ways of feeling good. Remember that this drug induced high has a price and in the end they will not be able to experience any high except through drug use and more of it each time.
• All my problems from school, home and life just went away
  This is a chance to really confront the issues. You can express your concern about your teenager, ie the teenager you love, using drugs as a means of coping. Let them know that if there are problems, you would like to talk about them. Ask what can be done to make things better. Discuss whether the problems returned after the effects of the drug wore off. Express your feelings about the dangers of using drugs to deal with problems. Make it clear that you want to work together to find a better way of solving their problems.
• It gave me confidence
  Let them know that many youth lack in confidence on the inside, but some are better at acting confident until they develop actual confidence. However, it does concern you and explain that they don't need drugs to feel good about themselves. Share your own experiences where you also found it difficult in social situations and explain ways that helped you gain more confidence. These can be both positive and negative experiences. By acknowledging your own behaviour, you will increase your credibility with the young person. Consider ways in which you can help to improve the young person's confidence and self esteem.
• Well, you used drugs
  You should be prepared for this response if it is true. You need to be frank and open with your child. Acknowledge that illicit drugs are dangerous, that you would make a different decision now and that you do not want them to make the same mistakes. You are their most important role model.